Charger Blogger Discusses Love and Valentine’s Day

Roses are red, violets are blue, the body part superficial to the neck is the head, and – uhhhhhhh – looks like I’m still a nerd, too.

Hey everyone, and welcome to today’s blog! Today (when I’m writing this) I have already fallen victim to the beauty of the world. I don’t know what it is, but there is nothing better than waking up with the sun speckled about your skin and the smell of freshly made coffee wafting through the apartment. (And the fresh flowers I’d received at 1 this morning, haha).

Looking back, I realized that as January was coming to a close, I think I was too. Looking back at past articles, I was pretty stuck in a stagnant energy that did not nourish my mental, emotional, or physical health in the slightest.

But here came February and her sweeping romance, and I find myself feeling alive again.

Valentine’s Day has always been a fickle subject to approach. I remember back when I was in elementary school how simple it was. The classroom always smelled like cardstock and over-processed candy, and I remember how easy it was to show others appreciation even if I didn’t know them quite well. I had always wanted to make friends, and this holiday allowed me to reach out and remind people that they are cared about, and that I would like to care about them because I wanted to. Back then, it didn’t matter if your handwriting was going through puberty or if the candy you got wasn’t their favorite. It was the fact that we all thought to ourselves, “Hey, I made this for you because I care about your existence.”

And then you grow up, and see the world for what it is, and can be.

People could be mean, and they were. Back in my first year of high school, people asked me out as a joke because I wasn’t really a size four, now was I? Many people joke about Valentine’s Day being “Single Awareness Day” – which is totally fine and one can be single very happily – but I feel as though there is always a certain undertone of spiteful sadness that goes along with that.

I think everyone reading this knows what I’m talking about when I say that.

It is very, very human to project our pain, or at least make a joke out of it. If we can provide some sort of value to a deficit we have, then perhaps it’s not as bad to have after all.

Right? No, not really.

It is very human to not want to be alone. It’s the prick in your chest that you get when your friend’s dog likes everyone but you or that you were the only one to do poorly on a test that the rest of the class somehow aced that reminds us how much we value being equal to others. Last year, when I was freshly out of a relationship – and I say “freshly” in the sense that I felt like the outer skin of a raw onion being peeled off and thrown away – I remember looking at couples walking down the road or in coffee shops or sharing a muffin or something of the like and thinking:

I want that.

I was mesmerized at how simple love could be.

So, I made one of the biggest decisions of my emotional life: to stop chasing. I realized that if I was going to go through this life, I was going to be me whole-heartedly and heavily unapologetically. I was going to be so myself – all the wheeze laughing, the nerdiness, the tears cried over poetry (the line “the wind still moves a dead bird’s feathers" had me weeping at 11 p.m.), the sarcastic remarks and witty tongue, the blunt honesty – all of it. I’d been taught from an early age what a strong personality gets you, and you know what?

Bring it. People are going to say what they’re going to say, and y’know what? That’s fine with me. Say your words, and I bet I can come up with one heck of a response (or lack thereof).

At this point, I use my personality as a natural repellant. If people cannot handle or simply do not like the way I live my life, that’s fine: they don’t have to be a part of it, and that’s totally fine with people. I prefer quality over quantity anyways, as there is no point to surrounding yourself with many people who do not enhance your life.

Friendships, in my opinion, should never be forced. I am the type of person who will tug the line a few times to see if it will go taut, but if there is nothing pulling back, I let it go. I don’t have the time or energy to chase after those who don’t care. Likewise, I do not do what I call “quid pro quo” friendships.

“You do something for me, I do something for you” is something I find alarming in terms of friendship. That’s not true camaraderie; that’s a business arrangement.

In the wise words of my mom: “Love should never be difficult.” And she’s right.

Speaking of, actually, I’m throwing a birthday party for one of my friends and I’m genuinely so freakin’ excited to do so. Obviously, I’m not going to say everything that I’m planning to do in this entry should she find it, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I will include what she does know:

1. Her birthday falls on the 13th, so it’s a Valentine’s Day-themed birthday bash
2. I am making heart-shaped ravioli and a vanilla cake
3. All of the decorations

What I found kinda funny was when I asked, “Hey, what ice cream would you like?” – because obviously both ice cream and cake must be sacrificially offered at one’s aging day – they looked at me like I had four heads.

“That’s an option???” They asked me.

I was puzzled. “Yes?????”

So, now I will be going to the C-Store at one point and getting a pint of vanilla and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Woot woot.

Circling back to the topic that is Valentine’s Day (or as mentioned, “Single Awareness Day”) I want to remind you all, my audience, that whatever stage of your life that you’re in – single, not single, kinda single but also not – that it is very okay, and also very normal. Our lives are ever-changing, but the most important part of that change is you. This is your life and altering yourself to fit some sort of societal mold or someone else’s expectations isn’t the way to go about it.

While the holiday is traditionally about romantic love, it may also be a day when love is shown toward oneself through Philautia, or the Greek term for “love of oneself.”

Take yourself out on a date. Even if you’re in a relationship, take the time to treat yourself by yourself. Go to your favorite coffee shop or nail salon, get what you want, and enjoy every single second of it. I don’t want to say you shouldn’t rely on your partner to have fun or be shown affection (and reciprocate those things), but as I’ve learned and re-learned quite often:

At the end of the day, it’s you. You determine the level of self-care you give yourself, the habits you create, and ultimately, the life that you live and the mindset you live it in. Love yourself as hard as you can. Like a hug, make it warm, make it strong, and moreover, do it in a way that leaves you wanting more.

If you’re not feeling like a self-date is your Valentine’s Day vibes, no worries! Here’s a cute little list of some other fun ideas:

• Self-care night
• That’s right. Break out the face masks, nail clippers, and your favorite comfort food. Turn on your favorite movie and stay present every second that you watch it. Break out the chocolate you keep telling yourself not to touch because dude, life is much too short to not enjoy good chocolate. (My preferred is the dark Belgian chocolate from Trader Joe’s.)
• Renew an old hobby
• For me, this would be doing art for hours on end. For you, it could be picking up the instrument you’d poured your heart into growing up, remembering your knack for plants, going for a run (though frankly it’s much too cold outside for me), doing a puzzle, sitting down with someone and playing chess, or digging up an old video game or book you never quite finished
• Catching up
• What I mean by this is: take the time to catch up with your life a little bit. Often, I feel as though we are doing so much to propel us into the future that we are always, somehow, stuck in the past. So, call that friend up. Call your mom, even. Find those hobbies you may have squirreled away because college got too college-y or life simply got in the way. Maybe throw some journaling in there if you’re feeling it.
• Self-reflection
• Similar to how I mentioned journaling before (which is a great method of self-reflection), perhaps take the time to reflect on the progress you’ve made as a human being. In what ways do you show love? Do the ways you show love to others differ from the ways you show yourself? Does the effort of your love change depend on who it’s directed at?

Of course, use these ideas as a reference. If you’d prefer that the holiday not exist at all, do that (and I applaud your ability to do so, as Valentine’s Day can catch you off guard in the middle of January like some cupid-based boogeyman).

For those who are in relationships, or “situationships” (which are neither single nor not-single pringles, but stuffed oreos), my best advice is to enjoy yourselves. Simply that. No need to overthink anything; just be. I’m not a huge person when it comes to labels – it makes me feel uncomfortable – but something I often remind myself is:

A “label” doesn’t take anything away from something, nor does it change it. What we often don’t consider is that labels change just as we do. A relationship – while being designated as a relationship by definition – will forever be in the process of changing, because people, love, emotions, situations, etc., are forever morphing and developing across time.

Just something to keep in mind. Keep things fun, keep it fresh, and most importantly: be yourselves, always. Never, ever be afraid of being yourself around someone you love, as that’s what they love about you the most:

You.

Anyhow, I hope everyone is having a good week so far, and that we’re able to stay grateful for the love that we do have in our lives. The love for your pets, classes, friends, family, artwork, music, the feeling of sunlight on your bare skin – anything and everything that you feel enhances your life in one way or another. Stay grounded, everyone, and stay kind. Wishing you all the best, and if anyone would like to provide some feedback on my articles, feel free to fill out this Google Form, okay?

Okay.
Alright everyone, take care, and as always:

Peace, love, and peanut butter.
Beatrice

Beatrice Glaviano ’26 is a nutrition sciences major at the University of New Haven.